Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he fucked my hip out of place.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can I color on your dick again?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
