Slut skills are useful in every country.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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