Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
