So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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