Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
