She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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