kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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