She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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