you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
