I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
