Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
time to smoke my breakfast
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She needs sedatives and a leash
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
