2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry my hands just texted you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
