thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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