I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
