Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
