foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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