I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
