I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
