from now on my penis is your penis
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
