So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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