Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
