i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
