oh god the rape fog is back!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
