Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
