It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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