I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
that may or may not have been my penis.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
