Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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