I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have feelings that need drinking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
