Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
