There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
