Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
