Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
