I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish you could order shots online.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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