tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
