Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
