were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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