Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
