"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
