I wish you could order shots online.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
