I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
