you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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