you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
