I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
