It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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