I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize