I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
