I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
