just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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