I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
