we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
