He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
