I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
