I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
