she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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