She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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