Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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