I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
