I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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