I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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