i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
