Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
