we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
