So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
