Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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