Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
