cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
