So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
