well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
