She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
