look no pants
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
