I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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