You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
