So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
