I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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